Befriending: Creating a Therapeutic Bond with the Community

by Mulugeta Abai

The Role Of "Befrienders"

As part of its integrated services approach, the Canadian Centre for Victims of Torture enables concerned members of the community to provide support to survivors of torture through the Volunteer Befriending Programme. Volunteers are given training sessions to educate them about the effects of torture and the needs of survivors. Each volunteer is then linked with a survivor in a one-on-one relationship, where the volunteer acts as a friend, as well as a connection with the new community.

If torture cuts victims off from the rest of their community or society, volunteer befrienders offer those who have been tortured the possibility to forge a friendship and at the same time, begin to integrate back into society. The befriending relationship enables cultural exchange and a non-threatening medium to learn about the values and norms of the new country. It also enables survivors the chance to educate Canadians about the background and traditions of the countries they have come from.

Survivors of torture not only need understanding in the new community in which they have resettled, they need to have their self-esteem bolstered after being degraded by their torturers. As representatives of the wider community, volunteers perform such a role in the recovery process of survivors. Befrienders form part of a social network of personal support, helping to empower survivors to function effectively and independently within their new community.

Familiar with how things work in the community, befrienders help survivors adapt to the formal social structures of their new society, and learn how to access housing, schools, churches, employment and social services. Befrienders also facilitate sociocultural adaptation by helping survivors to learn new verbal and non-verbal modes of communication and become aware of subtle cultural norms.

Volunteers also assist survivors by escorting them to appointments and interpreting for them if they lack language skills. Volunteers help resolve problems which can result from lack of information and provide encouragement and guidance so that survivors can resolve their own problems.

Reestablishing "Community"

Ultimately, the goal of befriending is to break down the physical and psychological isolation which is often experienced by survivors of torture, and help them rediscover the confidence, self-esteem and sense of potential which the experience of torture may have broken. Befriending creates a natural bond of community which is indispensable to mental health and well-being of survivors of torture. Indeed, befrienders assist in the healing and recovery of damaged personal identities by enabling survivors to make the transition from passive "victims" to active "community members". The befriending relationship helps survivors to develop trust in others again and establish a sense of continuity between the person they once were, who they are now in the new country, and a vision of their place in the future.

Although it is up to survivors to adapt to life in a new environment, befriending is based on the premise that adjustment is a two-way street, in which the host community must also change along with the influx of refugee-survivors. Volunteer befrienders try to act as a catalyst in that process, given their position within their own community and the new perspectives they have gained through relationships of friendship with people from different cultures who have rich life experiences beyond the traumas of having been tortured. Thus volunteer befrienders work on getting the community to address the needs of survivors. They may organize or join movements to challenge social, political and economic inequalities. This helps to reinforce human rights, while helping to make the community more culturally-sensitive, understanding of and responsive to the plight of survivors of torture.

Guiding Principles for Volunteer Befrienders

In providing a service to survivors of torture, befrienders should be guided by the following essential principles:

1. Befrienders should at all times avoid inflicting additional injury on refugee-survivors and their families;

2. The role of the befriender is to encourage the empowerment of survivors of torture so that they can regain control of their lives;

3. Working with refugees who have lived through experiences of torture, means working with "survivors"; befrienders should aim to affirm the strengths of survivors since this is crucial to improving their self-esteem;

4. As service providers, befrienders must respect cultural differences and encourage survivors to develop cross cultural living skills and positive bicultural identities;

5. Service providers working with refugee women survivors of torture need special sensitivity; they need to be aware that questioning can be frightening and that the interrogative method of material aid service is terrifying;

6. Service providers must realize that access to the survivor's own culture (food, music, dance, solidarity groups, etc.) is important for successful resettlement and can help in the healing process; with familiar culture available, people do not feel quite so isolated and gain strength to cope with an often strange and hostile environment;

7. People from many ethnic communities do not understand the Western style of counselling; it is important to explain what counselling is, what happens to information they share, and that confidentiality will be guaranteed;

8. As service providers we may be asked to intervene in situations involving racial conflict; it is our responsibility to understand the impact of racism in our community/agency and to challenge this on both a personal and institutional level;

9. We should encourage refugee survivors of torture to participate in all activities of the agency since their input is very important in designing programmes.

Suggestions For Befrienders Working With Survivors

1. Avoid the "saviour" attitude; don't encourage the survivor to become overly dependent on you by making decisions for him or her, but rather communicate possible options and together look for solutions.

2. Survivors do not need to be "looked after"; they need assistance to lead a life of dignity. They have many skills and the fact that they have survived traumatic experiences is evidence that they have great strength. Affirm and reinforce their strength and skills.

3. See the whole person before you, with all the complexities of his or her situation, rather than just a "victim of torture"; at the same time, recognize that trauma experiences need to be acknowledged as they have impacted on the survivor's perception of the world.

4. Respect the survivor's opinions and beliefs; be a good listener.

5. Despite your desire to help, you may find the survivor rejects your assistance initially. People who have been tortured are often suspicious because they have been through an experience that typically destroys normal feelings of trust.

6. Survivors may hesitate to describe the horror they have experienced for fear of repelling others and thereby exposing themselves to renewed rejection. Fear of rejection may also cause them to miss appointments. Patience and genuine empathy are a helpful response.

7. Be prepared for an initial reaction of disbelief when you hear about a survivor's traumatic experiences. This is common among those who were raised in environments where such human rights violations are rare. Resisting the idea that anyone could really have been subjected to the torture, humiliation or other experiences described by survivors is an easy defence against the destruction of your own world view and may overshadow your ability to empathize. If you are to provide meaningful assistance to a survivor, you have to be informed about these realities.

8. Respect the survivor's occasional need for silence; at such times, silence can be like conversation. As a result of their experiences, survivors of torture may not be forthcoming or produce direct answers to questions. In fact, be careful about asking too many questions because survivors often have lived through situations where questioning was a prelude to torture. Events, activities and questions that may remind the survivor of torture must be avoided. Proceed at the client's pace. This will build the necessary trust and give you time to avoid misinterpreting the survivor's behaviour, judging it according to Canadian standards that do not apply. Provide advice and support when needed, as opposed to processing survivors through an inflexible system.

9. It is important to include spouse and children in the friendship. In many instances, wives have experienced the arrest of their husbands under violent circumstances, and may have been subjected to beatings, rape or other violations. For children the arrest has been a traumatic experience, leaving deep scars and causing psychological problems if no medical, psychological and social help is offered.

10. Recognize the survivor's anxieties and need to preserve his or her cultural identity.

11. Be aware that there are differences between your values and the survivor's values. The most important step in coping with misunderstandings that might arise as a result of different values is to recognize the areas in which differences are most likely to occur, and view the situation objectively, rather than allowing emotional reactions to intrude.

12. Familiarity with the culture and language of the survivor is important. The more you show interest or learn in advance about the country from which the survivor comes, the more likely the survivor will be to trust you.

13. Be aware that different communities and cultures have different ways of dealing with problems and providing support; for example, Vietnamese, Ethiopians, and Somalis keep personal matters to themselves, or talk to close family members, friends, elders or religious leaders.

14. Resist the despair that may come from realizing that the help you offer is limited. Your concern and help make a difference. However, while no person or team can alleviate all the problems that survivors face, other resources are available, such as counsellors, doctors, lawyers, settlement programmes, and so on.